ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
