I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
