FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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