We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
