so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
