omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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