Whod you bang
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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