Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
