my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Too much gin, very little bucket
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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