the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
