??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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