I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
