Acid is not a monday night drug
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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