If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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