I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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