dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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