i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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