woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
