Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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