We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize