Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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