Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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