Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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