I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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