Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
