I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
