We need to start having sex underwater more often.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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