we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
