Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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