I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it was like eating out sand paper
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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