I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
