I puked a lego.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
