IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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