I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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