That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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