My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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