I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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