chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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