i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize