You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
love makes seman taste better
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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