I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
