I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
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