I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
