i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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