Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
