Define "chronic" masturbator.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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