so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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