i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
