I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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