apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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