Non-Jews are for practice
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
