his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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