we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
