Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
