My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
