i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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