This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize