South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
