He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
