Jerry, you need to find god
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
