so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
