So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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