Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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