Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just puked most of my soul out..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
