If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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