My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
